I'm tired. I'm tired, and sad, and almost teary today, and have been so for most of the week. I've gotten some of the testing results from Kole's doctor who specializes in learning disabilities and I can't help but think that things have just changed here. While there was a lot of technical/medical jargon, I got the deep-down meaning. It's not going to be easy for anyone, and unfortunately, I simply haven't had enough time to assimilate it all. She's happy, though. I've taken sever...

Sometimes I feel all girly, and pine over the boy at work. I blush (really) when he catches me looking at him, and I've yet to say more than two words to him, even though I can talk, and will talk to absolutely any one else there. I'm sure he knows of my crush, and thank god, he's never made mention of it. How pathetic would that be? To go over to a 35 year old woman and say 'excuse me ma'am, but come on... you're way too... much for me?" I'm too old, too encumbered with responsibilities...

After listening to more than a thousand people a week tell me about their current issues, sometimes I talk just to hear myself talking. I strode into the bar last night, and aimed for a single bar stool. Kate brought me over a SPA, and I proceeded to light a cigarette and watch the olympics on the television over the bar. It was loud and smokey... just the way I like it. A little Otis on the record player, and only the hardcore drinkers out on a Sunday night. One pint followed t...

I woke up in the middle of the night, trying to place the music I was hearing in my mind. It was the music from the movie "Halloween" and I was, in turns, amused, and a bit apprehensive. I've written about mind music before: where the hell does it come from? And why the hell does my mind feel the need to wake me from a dead sleep to play this little tune? The music from "Halloween" is definitely creepy. In fact, I'd state that it played a good role in the movie, almost as an individ...

When I'm working I am conscious of every passing moment, literally right down to the second. Increments are tracked by countless, faceless monitoring staff, and my job is on the line, dependent on meeting timed goals, timed commitments, and timed conversations. It's no surprise that I don't wear a watch on my off-time. You can't tell it in the extreme close-up, but time is etching lines, deeper, more boldly across my face. I've got a striking frownline in the centre of my forehead, gain...

I may have mentioned elsewhere that my daughter has been struggling in school. It was recognized in kindergarden, but because of a year-long stint in an Anishnaabe school that was also language-based, it wasn't identified as early as it might have been had she started out in the public school system. Early testing identified a possible learning disability, leading to more testing (and expense) from a private clinic that specialized in such areas. (in her case: visual perception/short term...

I've had a strange day that involved in a multitude of emotions, all experienced within minutes of each other. And funny that I went through so much, but have so little to say about it all. I'm on my last week of days, and then it's back to nights. 6 am start times this week, and then on to 3:30 pm starts the next. I think it should be illegal to post these kind of shifts in this way. My body hates my job, simply put. And for those who don't want that much information, skip to the nex...

Sleep, wake up, wash, eat, go to work, eat, wash, sleep, repeat. Day in and day out... it's bloody monotonous. Am I alive? Has anything changed? I've talked to thousands this week and I've never felt so bloody distanced from the world. Occasionally there's standout moments in an otherwise blur of the fucking same old, same old. A good laugh with a buddy, a smile with a friend. More often though, a brief moment of pure rage when finally prodded hard enough, but never enough to...

I'm preparing for a new episode and it looks like it's going to be good. I have to state that Lost is one of the smartest shows out there, and is great for a person like me. There's so many clues, and so many things that I miss during an episode that repeats aren't scorned, rather appreciated to begin scouring for more. Lost is television crack. Everything is fed in little teasers, and it's impossible not to want to see what's going to happen next. For the devil inside, there's...

I frequently experience little daily horrors. To me, its what happens when I'm both greatly amused at something, and at the same moment understand that it's not amusing but wrong . I was in the car with my sister yesterday, and from out of nowhere she says, "You ever hear of Indian bumping?" Already I had started to smile and I shook my head and asked for clarification, "You mean East Indians or Native Canadian Aboriginal Peoples..." "Us, you idiot," she grinned back. "No, what ...

I spent the afternoon reading a couple of blog entries both here and elsewhere. Most of it was shite. There were a few stand-outs, however. I especially enjoyed the in-your-face, tell-it-like-it-is posts, without ODing on the intensity and anger. Snarky is cool. Verbal abuse is just oh-so-boring. I forgot to mark the good ones, and there's no returning to them again. Lost. Forever. If I came across my own blog, on a good day I'd be intrigued, but most days, it's just rather bland, like...

Shovelheat wrote an amazing kicker of a story here Link and it definitely got me thinking about a lot of things. Firstly, just how far off is your average person from crazy? I'm not kidding when I say that I definitely question this on a regular basis at work. People fly off the handle in a heartbeat, and due to anger and frustration, people have screamed the most horrid and surprising things at me. What gets me, is that typically half of these calls start off being normal. The person...

I must admit that I'm not that relaxed in front of the camera. I'm not insecure about my figure, but I'm not flamboyant about it, either. An acquaintance mentioned having modeled for an art class, and I was intrigued by it. She is not waif-like at all, but from an artist's perspective, I can see how drawing her form would be of interest. Her hair is generally a riot of curls, and she's got a real curvy figure. Having taken art classes thoughout school and university, I've also had an opp...

In effort to prevent something short of a nuclear fallout, I've avoided all articles about race, homosexuality and abortion lately. I can be honest and state that I have some pretty strong opinions and automatically feel that people who express differing opinions than my own are Neanderthal, ignorant, and unintelligent. However, that's just gut instinct kicking in, and on more than one occasion, when I lift my own blinders, I understand the point that others can make in opposition. It's d...

With all the daily hassle of work, arranging for childcare, budgeting what little money I have after monthly bills are met, I know exactly why I'm doing it all. My girl is happy, and is a healthy, strong and independent child. I wish I had more time. I wish I didn't feel as if I missed so much while working. I feel bad for missing Christmas parties, birthday parties and playdates. Sometimes I feel that Kole's teacher and the parents of her friends think that I'm this non-existent figure...