anti-prose. random matter.
I'm out.
Published on September 9, 2005 By crimson In Blogging
This is my third attempt at writing an article this afternoon. The first one was about my job and office politics, and the second about dream interpretation. If I had been using paper and pen, than just a keyboard and hitting delete, I'd be surrounded by crumpled bits of paper by now.

I really can't formulate anything that's been bugging me lately, but in the most brief manner, I can state that I'm sick of complaining customers and having to put on a happy face, I am infatuated with someone and I know its going to go nowhere. And I'm bloody hungry as all hell, but can't be bothered to actually make anything for myself to eat.

I was so happy last night, and even this morning. Kole and I cuddled all evening while watching a movie, and on the city bus she pulled my arm around her. She's growing up so fast, too fast. I seem to be feeling every second slip away, and it hurts my heart.
I watched as she ran off to join her friends, and I wanted to call out to her, to get her to come back to me. I felt like spending the whole morning, the whole day, the whole rest of my life with her in that very moment.

But I didn't call her back to me. Instead, I walked slowly to my parents house, and I sat in the living room, waiting for my mom to wake up. But before she did, I walked out of the house. I got my bike and took the long way home. I fixed myself an egg salad sandwich for breakfast, and watched a bit of a movie. I lost myself online. I realized I was crying while I wrote this.

And now, I'm slowly finding my way back again.


Comments
on Sep 09, 2005
I understand the drifting melancholy that comes with the realization of passing time. I liked this article, your worth havin' around NickyG.
on Sep 10, 2005
I'm not a parent, but I can still understand what you mean about children growing up too fast...I do hope that you continue to stay super close to her no matter what her age is. You sound like a very loving, mom, btw.