Kinda like the same way, where if I've been scheduled a 6 AM shift and I suddenly realize that I may just have fallen asleep and might possibly have woken myself up by snoring, I feel like I've been yelling all day and have just realized in the quietness of now that it might have been loud and crazy for a moment there.
Try as I might, I can't even attempt to make the above sentence any more simple. I think that's my problem today; making mountains out of molehills, spending too much time in my own head and unable to articulate the deep, deep thoughts I've been having.
I hate days like these. It's a day where I'm so inside myself, that I fail to recognize the moments that are passing by. The girls are watching a Disney movie, my sister went for coffee with a girl friend, and I'm the leader-in-command, relenquishing position because I'm too busy surfing movie sites for new trailers. I hate days like these, but I love it, too. I'm too tired to muster decent conversation, I'm sure that's why my sister left, after realizing that the girls just wanted to flake out as well. I'm sure that I'm going to pay the price for my sloth; in less than a half hour she'll blow in (on her broom) with plans of a picnic or outdoor adventure, and in an hour or so, I'll be standing in some bug-ridden field trying to express delight at an attempt at kite-flying on a windless day.
That's how it goes sometimes. And while I'm not hungover, or angry, or even sad or depressed, I'm slow, I'm lazy, and I just want to daydream the beauty of the afternoon away.
And, I'm in love, I'm in lust, I'm just enamoured with a very sweet person. I have no thoughts of pursuit however, because it is so wrong on so many levels. I think I've just got a crush on him because he's nice and it feels like it's been ages since I've met a man here in town that didn't have a reputation repugnant to me, or has disappointed me by displaying cowardness. And while I did just state that this crush is 'wrong', it's not that. It's just not sensible, really.
I feel sorry for friends who work in the bar industry. The good ones don't complain when you get maudlin, or at least, refrain from visibly rolling their eyes. But, yes, it must suck to see people having a good time, or worse, know that the good time they're having is because of the vast amounts of alcohol swallowed and on a regular basis.