Every once in awhile I feel like just reaching out for the phone and placing a well-timed call. I want to talk to someone who would jump at the chance of a sudden road trip, a unplanned weekend getaway, or a night of bar-hopping in a city unknown. I'd like to call up someone who has a newspaper nearby and say 'pick a concert, and lets get going." I'd like to ride up to someone's house with a picnic already packed and say, 'know a good place to relax?' I want the unpredictable to happen, and I'm saddened that I don't know anyone who would do any of this without checking a calendar, datebook or scheduler first. I'm more sorrowful to know that I couldn't do it either.
My responsibilities are getting to me, and there's no breaking free. Don't get me wrong, I really wouldn't change things for the world, but its at times like these when I wonder what I'd do if things were different. I'd take that job in Toronto. I'd apply to grad school in Australia. I'd move on a whim with my friend who set off to be a surfer this summer. I'd change things up in a way that I can't do now.
Some might shrug and say don't let things get you down. Go for it. Take a chance. But the reallity hits me in the face with decisions of cost of living comparisions, realistic daycare arrangements, and travelling worries.
I want stability and I want change. I desire safety, and I yearn for spontaneity.
Sigh. "