I don't know what the deal is, but I'm crying one minute and laughing wildly the next.
I always wished I was a boy. I thought they had it so much easier. You get angry with a pal, a simple fistfight and it's all over. Gone were the whispers behind my back, disappear my fear of public speaking. It didn't matter if you couldn't talk and you were a guy... you were simply the 'strong and silent' type. As a girl you were woefully unarmed, a red target on your back.
As a boy there were no worries about fashion. Jeans and a t-shirt were pretty much it. You didn't have to go through the motions of trying to look like everyone else, wearing fluffy pink legwarmers, and shoulder-padded shirts that did nothing for your self-esteem. You didn't have to get a perm like everyone else.
It wasn't when I first noticed that I had a nice pair of breasts and that others appreciated them as well. It wasn't giving up the notion of ever being able to fit into a pair of Jordache jeans and pull them off the way that the Perfects could, with their long skinny legs and slim hips. I think that I embraced being female finally, not so long ago. When I realized that I haven't worried about the size of my ass in a while. When I stopped thinking that a person would like me better if I played up my girly-girl more.
I'm happy being me, with my super-short spiky hair, jeans and t-shirt wearing style. I'm happy with the person that I'm becoming; self-aware, and not just a person dying to blend in. I guess I am simply happy... with the occasional foul mood thrown in.