I have the feeling that I am not doing so well in the mothering category.
Lately, it seems as if I am handling things wrong, or just not getting the outcome that I expect. The worst thing about it is that I feel guilty and inadequate, even though I am doing my best. I don't know if the problem is because Kole is getting two very different parenting-styles, or if I am expecting too much or even too little, but the end result is behaviour that I do not approve of. Yesterday, she literally screamed at me. Of course, we were in the car at the time, on our way to do some grocery shopping. We had left the house when she really wanted to stay home, but I explained that we had to do it if we wanted to eat dinner and have stuff in the fridge for the rest of the week.
We got into an argument in the car; she didn't want to do shopping, and I said that I didn't want to discuss this any further. Of course, she started to complain about it even more loudly, and I raised my voice asking her to drop the subject. Well, that just set her off. She starting wailing like a fire alarm, and the noise level was horrendous. I turned the car around, and we went back home. As soon as she realized where we were heading for, she started backtracking: protesting that she was sorry, that she didn't mean it. And the closer that we got to home, the louder she became again, and then starting to tell me that I didn't like her. That I never want to spend time with her, and that I always want to get her in trouble.
Fine. I sent her to her room when we got home. After some time she came out, contrite. She apologized, explained that she knows that I get frustrated with her behavior and that it wouldn't happen again. I told her what I expected from her, explained why I was upset, and apologized for raising my voice to her. I stated again, that if she continues to behave badly, that I would stop taking her out with me. She agreed, and asked for another chance.
So we went out again. And not 20 minutes later, we were right back at home; me fuming at her antics and Kole in her room.
Does this ever end?