As a bit of an off-shoot to the previous article, I was pondering the reality of having grown up Native. By that, I mean this; I was raised in a non-Native (mostly white) community that was middle-class to middle-upper class. My adoptive mother (my real mother, that is) didn't have to go to work, and was able to raise us at home, like the majority of other mothers in the community. My father had a job that had him out the door by 7:00am but back home in time for dinner at 6pm. We weren't rich, we weren't poor, but we were definitely happy. In my child-eyes, everything was as perfect and normal as you would see any other family on television.
But the reality also was this; as I was growing up in a non-Native community, I 'should' have been raised in Wasauksing First Nation, a reserve an hour and a half north of Toronto. There, I would have lived with my birth mother, her alcoholic parents, and her neglected brothers and sisters, all six of them. They would still be in mourning, as previous to my twin sister's and my own conception, a house fire destroyed their home, taking the lives of 7 other children during a raging house party.
My birth mother, had assumed all responsibility for her brothers and sisters by that point. At the age of 19, she was in charge of 5 younger siblings ranging in age from 16 to 2. They lived in a 2 bedroom home, the children sharing one double bed in one room, and her parents sharing the other (when they made it home from their partying habits). It was a dirty, crowded, and empty home. Food was hard to come by, and there was no stability at all. The majority of households lived the same way; they were not the only ones who lived like this. Work was hard to find, most lived on assistance, and abuse was rampant. Not a lot has changed, either. Reserve life can be good, but it also has it's dark side. After residential schooling, the sixties and seventies scoop, and the forced relocation from homelands, there were many who had no clue about what a functional family lifestyle was like. Few role models to emulate, and less trust within those in 'helping' roles, shows why it was thought better by my mother to give us to a family who would provide and love us, even though there was a good portion of the community who insisted that what she was doing was wrong.
Within our culture, all children are special, but twins are favorably looked upon. As well, her parents thought that we could replace some of the loss that they had suffered after losing their own children so devastatingly. It must have been a hard, almost impossible decision to make. See, she had made it through high school. She was going to continue her education and become a teacher. But, adoption doesn't always work out. Something changed for her after we were gone, and she started to drink as well. She became involved in bad relationships that never worked out. She moved around a lot. She had another child, and she kept her. My sister's experience was not a great one, although we both envied each other for different reasons.
But where would I be now, if she had of kept us? Yes, I lost a lot of my culture after being adopted into a non-Native home. I might have known a bit more of my language, and I would have known others that looked the same as me... alike. I missed out on many different life experiences; but in comparision, gained a lot of favorable ones. My parents are my 'real' parents. I have a brother who is my 'real' brother.
I know there is no use in asking 'what if?' The past cannot be changed. It can only make us more grateful and accepting of our present. It lets us know that anything is possible in the future, too.
My future is this; as cheesy as it sounds, I have the best of all worlds. I have gained a better understanding about my past, while continuing the experience the best of the present. I have a daughter who I am raising with Anishnabe teachings and beliefs, as well as a basic understanding of other belief systems. We are not limited to an either Aboriginal/white understanding. We are taking life as it comes. Day by day. Step by step.
Miigwetch. Peace.