She Crossed The Line

again

Published on August 11, 2004 By crimson In Home & Family

I don't know if there is ever going to be a time where I don't take her shit.

I love my sister, I truly do. But the things that we fight about, and the stuff we say to each other is truly horrendous. Last night, she said something downright awful to me, and I was just fuming. I was fuming about the fact that she said all this stuff at the top of her voice in front of my daughter. I was beet-red and shaking as she had the bloody nerve to accuse me of things that she knows nothing about, and I was ready to kill her, literally to reach over and shake the shit out of her so that she would just stop saying such mean, spiteful and cruel things out loud to me, especially when it isn't true.

I don't know if I should actually come out and say what she said to me, because, really, none of you 'know' me either. But let's just say that if anyone else tried to say that stuff to me, it would be game over. Nah... I wouldn't resort to physical violence, even though it would feel satisfying to let loose a few punches. No, if anyone else said that stuff to me, it would be a complete cut from my life. I simply don't have time for that kind of crap in my life. I'm not going to waste a second of it by giving someone a second chance in this regard.

But when it's a sibling... you're pretty much stuck. I don't think I'd have the patience to do a whole 'Family Feud' kind of deal. I would hate to put my parents, child, and other relatives in the position of knowing that the reason why we didn't come around anymore was because I couldn't work things out with her. And this is the point, I guess.

I'm not working anything out. I'm ignoring it. I'm turning the other cheek to this bitterness that is still creeping up my throat. I am going to be fucking pleasant to her every chance that I can, to show her that she hasn't done what she wanted to do in the first place: hurt me because she's got a shitty thing going on in her life and she wants someone else, anyone else to feel just as bad. I don't know what to do any more, actually. I don't think that there is any chance to solve our relationship problems. All I know is I have too much respect for myself to take this as far as it seems that she wants to. But it's a fucking shame, all around.

Comments

Trudygolightly

on Aug 11, 2004

Nicky, I'm sorry you're going through this with your sister. It's frustrating I know, because like you say, "it's family". Sometimes, not always though, time helps sisters and other family members to grow and be more supportive of each other. Sometimes we end up having to "not have someone in our life" if their being part of our life means we are in a continual state of distress...and that includes sisters. I hope a peaceful solution is found, Trudy.

web_poet

on Aug 11, 2004

Thats sad, your own sister being a problem for you. But life is like that, not always fair. Why dont you two try to come to some amicable negotiation.
?

Sally jacobs

on Aug 11, 2004

I know where you're coming from with this, my sister is one huge big pain in the ass. Who upsets me on a regular basis. Shes uses the fact that she's my sister to get away with so much. She has done things to no one else would ever get away with, but as she's family she is playing with a completely different set of rules. you are a better person than me, because i have chosen to cut her out of my life. i think you're doing thr right thing, because me cutting her out is just hurting more people I love. I hope you guys work things out, and I'm sorry she upset you so much.

shadesofgrey

on Aug 11, 2004

hurt me because she's got a shitty thing going on in her life and she wants someone else, anyone else to feel just as bad. I don't know what to do any more, actually.

Nic, Is this the sister who lost everything in the flood? That might explain the lashing out bit--that typically female solution to problems...make everyone else around you miserable and then maybe you'll feel a bit better. Never works but we continue to do it! Doesn't make what she said any less hurtful, but it might make it a bit more forgivable.

Good luck working through this one, Nicky...

David St Hubbins

on Aug 11, 2004

Hi Nicky,

I went through some similar stuff last fall and would like to share my thoughts. Generally, peace is a precious commodity and we shouldn't haggle too much over the price. But your sister is trying to rip you off. One day I stopped and noticed I was the only person making an effort toward peace in my family, and everyone was still fighting anyway. I hear you when you say self respect becomes an issue when the other side is making no effort.

You want peace in your family. Right now you aren't willing to pay that price. Now what? Me, I realized that no matter what I did family was going to be a huge emotional liability. When I realized that the fact that I wanted something I couldn't have was causing me most of my pain, my perspective changed. I took it as a sign that at my age I should have bigger worries than what my dad or sister thinks. At least you have a child to focus on when there is other nonsense in your life.

I don't know what the answer is. From what I've read you and your sister share a bond that should never, ever be broken. So it's worth making the effort, maybe try a different approach? Maybe get a third party? I don't know. Forgive me if this sounds crass, but the simplest explanation is often the correct one: she's tired of you being referred to as The Good Looking One, and she needs a vigorous mounting. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to the brothel - I mean, monastery.

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