I hate being a cliche. (and I also hate not being able to add accents from a keyboard without doing heavy research first.)
I'm an avid reader. Joeuser is not the only blog site that I visit, but it is by far the most varied. One of the sites that I lurk around always has the ability to make me feel like I am less than myself. Or rather, just one in a zillion of other thirty-something people trying to make sense of it all. I guess, Joeuser is the same in some ways, but here, there seems to be a bit more of a variety (in age, at least) that makes it more appealling to me.
I've never hung out with 'real' mothers.
By 'real' I mean actual married wives, with husbands who work, and those who stay at home with their children. To me, these mothers seem to have it more together than I do. They have a mortgage. Good credit. Have far less poverty issues than us single parents. I don't think that they are 'better' than I am, but our worlds often seem so different. While they are out car-pooling for soccer, or having dinner parties, I can't even begin to think of extra-curricular activities and what it might mean to my schedule. Fuck...lately it seems that my extra-curricular activities are getting gas for the car, and doing any sort of household chore. Working 45 hours a week is actually a whole lot more when you have to factor in travel time, parent-teacher issues and arranging babysitting schedules.
And, I realize I'm making the life of a stay-at-home mom seem even more simplistic and easy than what it probably is. The dinner party thing was a joke, even. If I have trouble maintaining my 700 sq. foot apartment, I can't even imagine what it would be like to own a real home. Hell, I'm not in any way thinking that it's easier. While having another adult in the house would solve some major issues for me right now (less childcare concerns, more financial freedom, and someone else who might know how to do a load of laundry) I can't even begin to think of the emotional responsibility involved. I wouldn't know where to begin.
I guess that's another thing, though. When most couples get married and decide to have kids, they are doing it together. They grow together, make decisions together and ultimately work together. I missed out on that part, and while, things are good between me and my daughter, I often wonder what it would have been like to have raised her with another parental figure. Someone that wanted the resposibility. Someone who would have worked to maintain some sort of stability for her, too. Someone that I could relate with, spill out all my worries, frustrations, and concerns with. And someone who would feel comfortable enough to do the same with me, too.
But is married-parenthood the end-all-and-be-all in life. Because, quite frankly, even though it would be nice to have some help around the house, and some more emotional support, I'm pretty damned proud of the fact that Kole and I have gotten to where we are together. Yes, we've had help from our family, and help from our friends, but I'm also in this mood where independence is a great thing. But I guess, you can be independent even though you are part of a couple as well....
All these thoughts upstairs are not original. I'm nothing special when you look at the world from a particular vantage point. But, I guess from someone else's point of view I'm the best thing in the whole wide world. And there's nothing wrong with that, at all.