I haven't been writing much at all these days. Call it writer's block, or just a plain lack of interest, but nothing I've put down seems to make me want to hit the Submit Article button in the last few months.
It's not like there haven't been some major life changes, either. But, perhaps that's it; maybe too much has gone on to even know where to begin to start.
I'm still working for my local theatre group, but I'm also right back where I started, too. I got rehired by a telecommunications company, and I'm in day 3 of training, so far.
It's somewhat of a bitter pill to swallow. I'm not embarrassed or ashamed to be working there again; it's an honest job, and I just can't live on these piddly contract jobs any longer. Simply put, poverty sucks, but working at the old job will eliminate much of that. There's still people that work there that I used to work with, and in a small town like mine, it's one of the few jobs that I can count on being steady.
So there's that.
There's also the matter of the effects of being more physically fit. I am still making it to the gym at least 5 days a week, burning approximately 500 calories per session, on the machines that I use. While my body is no mighty machine, it's getting me places much faster, and much more efficiently. I'm down 50 pounds, and have lost about 5 dress sizes. Even my newest, smallest pair of jeans are getting baggy, and I find myself hitching them up continually now. I feel better, in some ways, but I also feel like a bloody freakshow in others.
I just can't drink like I used to, which is a complaint I wasn't expecting to ever utter. I have no reasonable idea about what my alcohol tolerance level is these days. I've been foolish, and I'm currently in hiding after finally asking out a man that I've literally only uttered basic pleasantries to. He actually said yes, but mygod was I ever pissed when I did it. I'm cowardly enough to not want to admit I recall the conversation, even more of a social retard to no longer want to go back to my usual haunts for fear of seeing him again.
See, the thing is, I'm just not used to this whole attractiveness business. And, I'm not like smoking hot or anything, but when a friend pointed out to me that someone else had been checking me out, you know, my first reaction was to bolt. Just to get the hell out of there, without even bothering to look at whom she was talking about.
Funny thing is, I know I got issues. Don't we all? I'm trying to not feel too bothered about them, but I haven't even gotten to my greatest concern, which just happens to be the greatest part of my life.
My girl, is sweet and fine. She's healthy, and generally, she's happy. But her learning disability is pretty extreme and choices are going to be made that will result in our separation while she goes for more intensive schoolling. I don't know how other parents can send their children away to boarding schools voluntarily. But, I guess, I hope, in most cases it's all done with the child's best interests in mind. Like those who grow up and go away to college and university, you know that it's for a greater good, but I'm not ready for any of this. I wonder if anyone ever really is.
Just like that, life changes though. And while all of this might seem kinda depressing, it really isn't. On the bright side of things, there's more money in our future, and I'm happy that through all this exercising, I'm slowly beginning to appreciate my body. It's pretty good that I'm in better shape now, than I've ever been. And Kole will do fine, wherever she goes to school. We'll get by, just as we always have.
As far as anything else goes, 'what will be, will be.' Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.