There's so much running around in my head these days, that it's pretty hard to think straight...
This is my last offical production at the theatre, and it's running slowly, but smoothly. For my job at least, the first week of a 3 week residency is rather slow. As there's a stage manager present, I don't have the same chores and tasks that I usually have. I don't have to keep stage notes, I don't have to revise schedules, I don't have to hold everybody's hand while trying to run around for a demanding producer, and keep my own projects running smoothly.
If there ever was a gig to go out on, this would be it. I'm an artist liason, which means that I support the actors/dancers, while the stage manager deals with all the other shit. The only thing that I've had to do, is find out about a fitness pass, and order someone's favorite cereal. I have some Front of House stuff to manage, but I'm not flying solo; I just pass things through to the Toronto office, and they take care of all the rest. I kind of like it.
If I were capable of making life easier for myself, I'd strike out all the men on the planet. Or, at least, any man that I might be remotely attracted to, and then think that I have the slightest chance with. It's not like I haven't had the odd flirtation, or date, or brief relationship, but it's all worked out wrong, and not necessarily for the worst of reasons. Sometimes I find myself attracted to someone, and when they show an interest, *poof* I lose interest. Shallow? Self-defensive? I don't know. But, the end result is, I usually figure that I'd be better off just as friends with the fella, and walk away.
I'm interested in someone right now, and the pisser of it is, is this: he's just as non-commital as I am, not because he doesn't want a relationship, but because he doesn't want to ruin a good thing, I suspect. We're great together, as friends, and though things have veered slightly to a more-than-just-friends direction, it's not as clearcut as it should be.
I'm full of questions these days, but damned if I'm going to ask them. Sometimes, it's easier just to let things go the way they go.
Sometimes.