I Can't Help Myself

i'm just me...

Published on April 15, 2004 By crimson In Blogging

Phantom posted a couple of tests yesterday, one determining your state of mental health, and the other predicting the state of your afterlife. Link It looks like I am pretty sane yet doomed to a deep level of hell. Curse my violent tendencies and wanton sexual lifestyle. Now that I know, though, I am pretty free to give into any spur-of-the-moment cravings. Any other level of hell looks just as bad.

I was reading another person's blog, where the guy got mistaken for a girl while he was in a checkout line with his mom. I've been mistaken for a guy on a couple of occasions... usually when I have my hair cut very short and I'm in a grubby mood. However, since growing my hair long, it's yet to happen. Except here on Joeuser. Apparently, a whole lotta people think NickyG is a he, not a she. Maybe I should change the spelling of it... Niki, Nikki, Nicki, Nikky, Nickie or just plain Nicole? Maybe I should write with a more feminine flair? Too bad Joeuser features don't include dotting i's and j's with tiny hearts, or something...

Problem is, it's a bit too late in the game to change. I'm set in my ways, and that's paying attention to more than just how I come across in the blogging arena. I've been wearing jeans, t's and sneakers for decades now... I probably won't be doing a wardrobe revision anytime soon. My personality hasn't changed much either... I'm a bit more outgoing, but also, a lot more apt to keep my mouth shut in conversation... I'd rather listen, then to try to hog the spotlight. I've become more outwardly appreciative about who I like, and respect. If you can't tell someone you're glad to know them, why bother knowing them at all?

I remarked to my sister about my competitive streak, and she fell over laughing. She didn't think that I had a competitive bone in my body and it made me think: how well does anyone know anyone else in this world? She's supposed to be my twin! How could she not know that about me? It made me think about how she judged competitiveness in the first place. It's all in the eye of the beholder, I suppose.

Which brings me to my final point... I agree with Imajinit, that without having the gone through the same experience, you can't really 'know' how another person really feels. I'm not the most self-disciplined person in the world, but I do have a lot of empathy for others. While I can't claim to really 'know what you mean', I can say that I 'want you to know that I want to know what you mean'. Do you know what I mean?

Peace.

Comments

dharmagrl

on Apr 15, 2004

Yeah, I know what you mean.

imajinit

on Apr 16, 2004

how can your sister not know about your competitve streak when in the past you've mentioned that y'all "compete" with each other in certain ways... ? or am I just imagining things?

I understand that you don't think you can change your ways... but given the right circumstances, I'll bet you could. I've long since known (since my first failed marriage) that if and when I get hitched again, I'm going to have to be flexible if things are gonna work... just a thought...

I've never once thought you were anything but 100% woman... My girlfriend and I had broken up back in late January/early February and spent about 4 or 5 weeks apart... (if my memory is correct... I try not to think about that part)... that short time was all I needed to develop the biggest crush on you Nic... but then I'm sure you picked up on that already.

How are things going with that "nice" guy anyway? done laundry together lately? ever thought about watching "40 days & 40 nights" together? great flick...

Mackintosh

on Apr 16, 2004

The truth is we will never know another person really well, especially since we never really get to know ourselves all that well either. I can predict my own reactions or behaviour, but I'm still discovering things about myself and I have no reason to believe that this process of self-discovery will end any time soon. It's logical to assume that since we spend most of our lives discovering ourselves, we never really have the time to get to know other people well. We think that we do, but that's a whole different thing altogether.

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