in a double bed, i'll bet...
Polyamory is in the spotlight lately, in my hometown. Maybe it's because everybody who has been trying to write something 'different' for end-of-term final papers has also decided to resubmit them in the school newspaper and the local papers have caught wind of it. Either way, it's making for some interesting reading and provoking thought.
I'm pretty non-judgemental on topics concerning sex and religion. As far as how it relates to my life directly, I chose to experience situations based on my own moral ethics, not anyone else's. I feel polyamory firstly, is misunderstood by a lot of people. The mental image that some get is a trio or more of people all sharing one big bed, one lustful life, deviod of morality. If you chose to do some reading up on it, by all means, be my guest. There are a number of sites dedicated to the subject, all you have to do is go to any search engine, type in the word and you're off and running. That's not what I'm going to do. I just wanted to hash out my own feelings about it.
I happen to feel that I need to be in a monogamous relationship: I've got nothing against anyone who lives the polyamory lifestyle... if you have the responsibility to handle being within a relationship with more than one person, congratulations. Because, while all relationships require respect and responsibility, the more people who are involved in your intimate life, the more possibility of miscommunication. I have a hard enough time wondering where my partner is coming from when I am in a committed relationship, even though communication is vital for its success. Add in someone else, and I'm afraid to admit that I couldn't handle anyone else's baggage. I've got enough dealing with mine, and having to adjust to having someone else's. I do think that it is possible to maintain multiple relationships with some people. But I can't see where I would be able to manage it.
I'm not a big believer in casual relationships. I want to know that the time that I am investing with someone is worth it. I have a lot of other responsibilities in life and time is very valuable to me, right now. I don't see the point in starting up a relationship if it's not going to go anywhere. And this doesn't mean to the altar. It means that before I take the time to involve someone in my life, I need to know if that person is dependable. Good. Worthy. Because I've got a daughter to think about. A daughter who is at the age where any person I meet and spend time with is destined to be my future husband. Who could possibly one day be her Dad. And believe me, this is not any of my doing. This is society at work, programming others to believe in the old 'nuclear family' of two parents of the opposite sex, and two or more children. And a dog.
So, of course, she knows that our family is different from the 'norm', or rather that the 'norm' is different in our community. Here, single parenthood, gay/lesbian/bisexual lifestyles, and intergenerational parenting is the norm. She knows firsthand that a lot of my girl friends have girlfriends, and some of the guys that I hang out with are gay. It's a challenging thing to present to a child, but I never want her to feel that they have to hide something, that they should be ashamed of who they are and who they love. That anyone, including myself has that right and the capacity to love someone... and that she shouldn't be ashamed, embarrassed or hated for making her own choices in the future.
I don't suppose that I can do much more than that, but let her know that I will support her decision to love anyone, if she feels they are worthy enough. And that, in the end, is the 'norm' of my way of living.