anti-prose. random matter.
if you feel like it...
Published on April 8, 2004 By crimson In Blogging
For quite some time now, I've been basically dreaming the same thing over and over. Usually I'm at some party or performance, I'm requested to appear and perform, and as I'm about to, I realize that I have no idea what I am doing.

Sometimes I am supposed to be playing the piano or singing a song. Or dancing with a whole lot of other dancers. Or I am supposed to give a speech. I end up faking my way through it all, am supposed to wait for the grand finale and... it's over. I never really have a resolution to the dream. It just starts up all over again the next night.

In the dream, I am a little scared of failing, but at the same time, I'm surprised by my adaptability. I also feel a perverse amount of pleasure at the possibility of screwing up. Sometimes, there are people in the audience that I want to impress. Or are about to act/sing/perform with me. (Last night, Johnny Depp was in it... as Jack Sparrow. But we were both about to act a scene. I knew I didn't want to let him down, but was feeling pretty cocky in spite of my ignorance about how actual actors go about working on movies). Other times, certain people that I am attracted to, want to talk to me immediately following my performance, but I get caught up in talking with others after its over. Instead of being with them, I choose to stay and talk with other people who I don't really know.

Go ahead... take your best stab at it. It might be interesting to see what other people think of it.

Comments
on Apr 08, 2004
This is a total shot in the dark but...
Do you think you feel like there is someone or something pushing you to do certain things that maybe you don't entirely think you want to do? Like do you think there is something else you'd rather do, but since there is that someone/something pushing you to do this, you feel somewhat obligated to do this? And maybe you have the slight satisfaction of messing it up because it would prove a point to them. You might be a little scared because you're afraid to leave this comfort zone, but there is also something telling you that it'll be ok if you go ahead and do what you wanted. The people in the audience you want to impress may be the person/thing pushing you (because you want to please them), and maybe the people you're attracted to somewhat symbolize the other side of what you want to do? Who knows, this can be about a relationship, goals, success, school, parents, friends...I guess really anything?
Let me know if this sounds at all familiar, even though it's a little bit vague.
Good luck.

-Me

By the way, I kinda appreciate having the same type of dream over and over sometimes. It makes things kind of interesting and makes me wonder what the meaning is.
on Apr 08, 2004
Dang it, I thought this was gonna be a psychology bashing blog. You let me down man.

Trinitie
on Apr 10, 2004
Enigma,
Thanks for the imput. I think you've provided some good points for thought.

The people in the audience you want to impress may be the person/thing pushing you (because you want to please them), and maybe the people you're attracted to somewhat symbolize the other side of what you want to do?

I thought that this one was particularly apt.
I like taking a stab at understanding my dreams. Some are so inane that I can't even begin to think what they represent, others, like this one, must be important or else why the repetitiveness?

Trinitie: Nope, no psychology bashing in this one... however, it's interesting to see that's what you're interested in.

Peace.