It's no big surprise that I've been crushing on someone. I've mentioned it in passing, but really, held no hope that anything would come of it. I've had my time of whirlwind romances, or so I thought.
The man that I've been falling for is so not my normal pursuit.
I used to go for the bad guys... the arrogant, the cocky, the hard-to-pin-down.
And then, somewhere between dreams and reality, I chose someone who was not my norm. He irons his own shirts. He seemed responsible with his money, and his friendships. There is not one bad thing that I could say about him, except... that he's not mine.
I'm a shy girl. When it comes to revealing anything important that I feel in my life, that is. I don't just tell all to those around me. I take my time to get to know people, and in time, will let those I trust, into my own world of just plain living. Maybe because I've never been one of those people who open up to just anyone, I feel that those I want to trust, must first expect some trust in me.
He doesn't love me. I don't think I loved him, really. A crush is when you feel something for someone you don't really know. But it still hurts when you realize he doesn't feel the same for you. The same anticipation of what might be, of what is yet to come.
We are good friends. We are starting to plan our weeks together. But, I don't think it's going to happen for us. That love that can encapsulate the past, and overcome old wounds. Maybe I expected too much. Maybe I am just a romantic, though I try hard not to be. We will be friends, but I doubt there will be much more.
I don't know if I should stay sad or just feel grateful to at least have one more good friend.