Nothing Is Original

dying

Published on April 4, 2006 By crimson In Blogging

Nothing is original about me.

I'm trying to kick the habit of smoking and bi-monthly binge drinking. The drinking I can do pretty easily. While I enjoy lotsa pints, I can replace with nights out at the movies. Even if I cut it back to once every month or two, I'll be happier about that. The smoking is proving to be more difficult, as I always have a yammering for one around this time of day. And as soon as work starts, it gets worse. At that point, I crave a cigarette once every 2 hours, as scheduled.

Am I eating more? A bit. Out of sheer boredom, unfortunately. Now that I'm not going outside at work everyday, I prowl around the lunch room, plunking spare change in for Jelly Bears. It's a new addiction, by god. Even that is predictable, though. I don't really even care for the sticky, sugary, sweet little fuckers, but I need to bite down on one of the smiling figures every once in awhile, just so I don't cave in and head for the back alley. I'm ignoring the buck-fitty potato chips and the chocolaty bars of goodness, at least.

I don't even talk to anyone at work anymore. The smokers think that I've abandoned them and think I'm a wanker. The non-smokers look at me smugly and dare me to come talk to them now. Both groups would crow if I gave in now. So, of course, my temper's off, and I'm ready to take out anyone who looks at me funny.

I can taste it, that burning, hot sensation. I can imagine sucking it back, and then feeling relief. I can, but I won't.

I'm dying. Dying for everything that will kill me in the end.

Comments

Trudygolightly

on Apr 04, 2006

Nicky; I think most anything a person could suggest you'd already know how to do

I had a heart attack, the first one, in 91. So I quit a 2 pack a day habit. Out of fear.

easy? no. One day I wanted one so bad I punched a hole in the living room wall.....

what worked for me? every time I wanted one, I'd tell myself "ok, there ain't no cigarette police, I just have to walk first, 2 miles!" then I'd be too tired to inhale!

and I had to walk about every 20 minutes til the craving started coming less often.

Now it's been 15 years. Do I still want one? no. no way. do I miss lighting up when I'm stressed? seldom. Mostly miss going out and getting smashed. And that's only when I'm lonely.

Best wishes for your sucess Nicky!

singrdave

on Apr 04, 2006

Aw, come on. I've read blogs like this before. Try something original.

J/K, dude. Good luck... these are hard addictions to break. Hopefully you can turn to someone or something to help you through this. Other than jelly bears!

JillUser

on Apr 05, 2006

Nick, best wishes to you. I have never tried smoking but would certainly never crow over someone struggling to break the habit. I have seen some of the most self disciplined people I know struggle with it. It may be one of the hardest things you ever do but I have faith you can do it. Hey, once you kick that, you can do anything!

I think Trudy's idea of walking when you have a craving is a great one. For my MIL it was bike riding. It served as a distraction, exercise, and a reminder of what smoking had been doing to your lungs. Is there anywhere you can walk during your breaks (other than to the snack machine

)?

I commend you for avoiding the chocolate and chips. That's a huge accomplishment in my book!

Best wishes.

KellyW0498

on Apr 05, 2006

Hey Nicky,

I wish you luck on this one. You can do it, but I understand that it is really hard. Biting the heads off those gummy bears should be a little bit of satisfaction. Lollipops helped me.

Good luck....

Tova7

on Apr 05, 2006

Good luck!

Locamama

on Apr 05, 2006

I read an article about quitting bad habits that endanger your life. They suggested that you write a letter to your loved ones, kids, husband, friends whoever and explain to them that you chose not to be with them because smoking (insert any bad habit here) was more important to you than your health and living long enough to spend more time with them. Kind of brutal but maybe it would help.

Or get hyptotized. I worked with a guy who quit smoking that way.

Also start a fund for a vacation or some other fun thing with the money that you would be spending on cigarettes.

Stay strong. It's not an easy thing but worth it.

Buddah Moskowitz

on Apr 05, 2006

Booze is my monkey and I want a drink every second of every hour of every day. Been sober 16 years. I applaud your resolve. Stay healthy. Show those cigarettes who's boss. - shalom

foreverserenity

on Apr 05, 2006

Nicky it's hard quitting something you've come to depend on for so long. My husband still smokes and is supposed to have quit since last year, as commanded by his doctor. He said it's really hard for him and he's not even attempting to do it. I've tried everything, but now I've decided to leave him alone because only him can make him stop.

Trudy's idea is definately a great one. That are get other friends to hang out with cause those at work don't sound too great.

You need a distraction and eating won't help as you already know. I wish you luck in what you're trying to do.

dynamaso

on Apr 06, 2006

Hey Nicky,

I'm one of 'those' smokers who can go for days without one, you know, the smoker even smokers hate

I know I should give them up but the fact is when I smoke I really enjoy it and while I enjoy it, I can't see much point in trying to give up. My wife smokes too and it seems to me that if I'm going to give them up, I would rather do it when she is ready to as well so we don't have the situation of one of us craving and the other smoking up.

I wish you all the best and hope you do it.

crimson

on Apr 07, 2006

when I smoke I really enjoy it and while I enjoy it, I can't see much point in trying to give up

haha. Same here, really. I went for 5 days, smoked a bit, and am now back on day 2. It's a weird kind of hell that I'm putting myself through. Previously I went for 4 days.
At one point, I was smoking a pack a day, within the last year, down to a pack a week. I'm not much of a smoker, but why bother smoking then?

Thanks all for writing. It's nice to have the support!

dynamaso

on Apr 10, 2006

I'm not much of a smoker, but why bother smoking then?

It is a question I've been asked numerous times, particularly by those smug ex-smokers who quite often add "if I can give up, anyone can" as though them giving up makes a f&$king difference to me. As you know, it is not the frequency, it is the enjoyment factor. When I stop, it will be because I don't enjoy it.

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